catching up with pictures

my days seem to be going to fast and every time i try to sit down to write about our life here in the east coast, something seems to come up and i never get the chance. as a result, i have irritated grandparents who are waiting for pictures of the grandkids they no longer have daily access to. so, this post is mostly for them as it's just a lot of pictures with not a lot of writing. :)

this is a picture of the park that's directly behind our townhome. you can see our back gate at the bottom of the picture. the kids love going out there in the morning or late afternoon before it gets to hot.

reagan playing at the playground

reagan's friend max. when we lived here before one of noah's best friends was macie. they were inseparable. when we moved back, they picked right up where they left off, except this time macie had a little brother, max, who plays with reagan...sometimes. it's a love/hate relationship.

here's the love side.

here's the annoyed side. reagan seems to think it's more funny then upsetting as she drives max crazy.

noah and macie mostly love to play in the "woods" behind the playground. once in awhile they'll take the younger kids with them on their adventures.



when the kids aren't outside, they play pretty well together inside. noah really can be the greatest big brother - when he's in the mood.

this is reagan winking. her new favorite trick.



a few weeks ago we were able to go the air and space museum. the kids loved it.

we also had a chance to go to New Jersey and see my brother, David, and his family for a weekend. it was a lot of fun. we went into NYC one day and let the kids run around Central Park. It was a lot of fun.

this is my brother david. it didn't take long for reagan to warm up to him.

as you can see, aaron was able to relax and take time off from day to day work and just enjoy being in NY.

there's a part in the park where they have water the kids can run through. reagan was not a big fan of the water. it was too cold.


noah on the other hand....love it.

reagan was not too sure about the carousel. i don't think she liked the horses.

noah just liked riding it and making as many weird faces as possible. typical noah.

One of the biggest highlights for noah was going to Hoboken, NJ and visiting Carlo's Bakery. for those of you who don't know, this is from The Cake Boss on tv. it's one of noah's favorite things to watch because the cakes Buddy makes are amazing.

i took noah around the back and he was able to meet Mauro, Buddy's brother-in-law. He's on the show and is one of the more calm members of the family there. noah was really excited.

we then waited in an hour long line to even get into the bakery. (i say "we", but it was really aaron who stood in line so i could noah around back to meet some of the bakers. thanks aaron!!!)

and that's about it so far. this week noah will finish his swim lessons, aaron will have his birthday, reagan will continue to grow so fast it makes me want to cry and i will look out my window and shake my head at how fast the time has gone.

coming up for air

you know it's been a long time since the last post when your husband is getting after you to update it. this post is going to be a journal entry to catch things up. eventually i want to put my blog in a book so it's easier to read in case my children are ever interested in reading it someday. my next post will be full of pictures of where we're living and of the kids so the grandparents don't kill me. :)

I haven't written a lot about the details of the hard times these last 8 months, because I was just trying to keep myself together. There were a lot of days when the stress of aaron not having a job and then being gone, leaving me to get us moved, find renters, live out of suitcases with the kids for 6 weeks and then get us all to the east felt like it was too much to handle. Some days i just wanted to crawl back in bed instead of put on a happy, positive face for the kids... especially for Noah. He is so sensitive to the emotions around him. if he found me looking sad or stressed it would really upset him. Reagan seemed pretty good through it all. The only time she showed signs that things were really different was when we were going through our old neighborhood and reagan was pointing to different houses... "Emma's house, Greyson's house (even though he had long since moved), Kalob's house. Mom, where are we going?" i tell her to grandma and grandpa's house and she's quiet for a bit and then says, "where's Reagan's house?" it was so sad.

But even with the sadness and heartaches we went through during Aaron's unemployment, there were very special moments. I know that stressful times can take their tolls on relationships, but i can honestly say that aaron and i grew closer together then we have, in our 11 years of marriage, in these last 8 months. As hard as it was facing times when we didn't know how we'd make our mortgage the next month or how we'd buy food when the money ran out, we would comment on how impossible this would feel if we didn't have each other. when aaron was in DC right after he was let go and i was in utah it was harder to handle because we were so far apart.

i remember sitting on my couch at 6:00 am, after aaron called to tell me the news, and just crying. it was hard to think that my world felt like it was crumbling down around me and yet everything outside was so calm and peaceful, the sun coming up, a woman jogging down the street, a light going on in my neighbors house as they were getting up to start their day... all these normal things. i don't know why we expect the world to stop when our own lives seem to fall apart. i felt that way when my dad died. i remember thinking 'how can people just go to the store or go out to lunch and do such normal things when this man i loved so much is no longer with us.' But, as much as i wanted to sit there and cry and crawl into my bed and act as though the world would stop for just one day, i knew i had to pull it together because my children would be up soon and their world needed to be ok. They needed to have a happy mom to fix them breakfast and help them get dressed. Noah needed to have a smiling mom to get him ready for school and send him out with a kiss and promises of a fun day to come. So much of motherhood is about making sure your kids are happy when things are hard. It's never showing them the panic and fear you may feel inside about situations that are out of their control. I made myself a promise that day that i would do all i could to not let Noah see me crying. i knew i couldn't keep the facts of the situation from him, and the reality of how things would be different till Aaron found a job, but I could keep the stress and fear out of it as much as possible. i found it easiest to do my crying in the shower. i took a lot of showers.

but as hard and scary as things became, especially as we realized finding another job was not going to be fast or easy, we had some amazing experiences. We had friends from all over who would call us and check on us or send us a letter or a note telling us to hang in there. In December, almost every day we came home, someone had left something at our door. A plate of cookies with a note, a bag of groceries with fixings for a dinner and dt. pepsi for me :), an envelope with a money in it, always anonymous. someone called noah's drama class and paid his tuition fee for the last month we were there. another neighbor dropped by just to give me a hug. the outpouring of love was unbelievable and made a difficult situations better because we felt such love and support from others. Some experiences, which are too personal to share, could have only come about because of the trial we were facing. a perfect example to me of God's tender mercies for his children.

People say that every trial has a reason. That great things can come from hard times. While I don't know if that is always true - i can, without a doubt, say that great things did come from the hard times we faced. there's nothing more humbling then to experience love and compassion from those around you. To feel your Heavenly Father's love through neighbors and friends who come out of the wood work to show they care. I don't know if I'll ever know the exact reason why Aaron lost his job, but i know that i will be forever grateful for the experience and the things i have learned. Aaron was a rock through the whole ordeal, never once pulling away from his family and giving up. everyday he did something - whether it was applying for jobs, following up on applications he'd sent in, looking for small jobs he could do to make ends meet while he interviewed. he is my strength and my best friend and i love him. oh, how i love him.

As for Noah and Reagan...i truly could not have asked for better children. they definitely have their moments, but the good times far out weigh the 'my-children-are-going-to-be-the-death-of-me' times. they make me laugh every day and i could not imagine my life without them.

so, life is moving forward once again. i still have moments of fear that aaron will call me and tell me he's lost his job and our world will come crashing down...but we've been there before and i know we can get through it. in the meantime, i'm trying to savor every happy moment. i wake up to the sounds of my 2-year old as she crawls into bed with me and my 8-year old making plans for the day and each night i get to crawl into bed with a husband that i love and i think to myself...life is good.

what are girls made of?

whoever wrote the poem "Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of" did not know my daughter.

It's hard to say I've hit the "terrible" two's with Reagan when i spend half my time not letting her see me laughing at what she does. she is by far my more defiant child. Noah will try to discuss, manipulate, plead, or spiritualize his way in getting what he wants. he'll often use phrases like, "mom, how would you feel if...." or "mom, you can do that, so why can't i?" or the most recent "mom, i just said a prayer and Heavenly Father told me that even though you're upset, you could still handle things more patiently."

reagan, on the other hand, gets straight to the point. for example, when i catch her trying to play with scissors. I'll take them from her, put them back in the drawer and tell her no. she'll then yell "I WANT THE SCISSORS!!!!" when that doesn't work she'll get these sad little eyes and the poutiest mouth and in a choked cry "i want the scissors". When i try to console her and sweetly explain and reason with her how dangerous scissors are, she'll lower her chin and in satan's own voice say "i want the scissors!" the best is if i've caught her doing something she shouldn't. the other night i came downstairs to find her jumping on the bed and in my big, mean, momma voice i told her she was NOT allowed to jump on the bed. she looked at me for a minute and says, "mom - you go upstairs. ok? you go upstairs." i love that she reasons if i won't let her do what she wants, then she'll just get me out of the room and do it anyway. i'm in serious trouble with this one. no moral compass at all.

as frustrating as her defiance can be at times, it's hard to not just adore her personality. she'll do things that just crack me up. a few days ago she was walking past a mirror and stopped to check herself out. i watched as she got closer to the mirror - tilted her head and looked up her nose. she then proceeded to pick her nose and a few seconds later yelled, "mom! i had a burger and i got it out!" it's the little accomplishments in life that make her so happy.

my favorite story of the week is from a few days ago. it was so sunny and beautiful and the first time she wore shorts this year. she was running around outside and took this huge fall on the grass. hard enough that it actually left a grass stain on her knee, but she just jumped up and kept running - no tears. then she completely biffs it on the sidewalk. huge scrape up her shin and a bloody raspberry on her knee. this time she sits up and looks down at her knee. i'm waiting for the tears, but instead she said, "hey, mom! look! i have colors! red and green."

 

she must be too young to realize you can cry when you see blood. instead, it's all about the pretty colors.

last, but not least, is her singing. she loves to sing. as we've been playing a lot of primary songs in the car these last few months, she's learned a few by heart. she decided to sing them the other night in the bath tub. i caught 'I love to see the temple' and 'I am a child of God'.






as crazy and upside down my world has been these last eight months - my children have always been able to make me laugh. i'm a pretty lucky girl to have them.

push-ups

do you remember the first time you ever watched your child try to do a push-up? it's mostly some butt wiggling, maybe a few head nods and some grunting. it's my favorite thing to watch. Noah had perfected the butt wiggling and head nodding until we were at my brother's house and he watched his cousin (same age) throw down 15 regular push-ups and 15 one-handed push-ups in perfect form. that kid's upper body strength is ridiculous. After watching him, i figured a decent parent would help their child figure out a real push-up. Thankfully, my brother got home to help. there's something about having a guy teach you the mechanics of a "real" push-up then having your mom show you. (not a pretty sight)

after a week of practicing, Noah has finally gotten it down. he may only be able to do 3 or 4, but they're vastly improved from where he started. here's the video he made to show his Uncle Hiatt...



when we finished the video, i looked over and reagan is trying to do one...



these kids crack me up.

sandwiches??? for dinner????

have you ever had a day turn into weeks without even realizing it? I meant to keep this updated while we've been moving... but that was totally unrealistic. i can't keep this updated when my life is "normal", how i thought i could do it when it was upside down is beyond me. but, alas, here i am - updating the best i can.

readers digest version: aaron got a job in D.C., he left almost 3 months ago, we've rented out our house because we can't sell it in this market (!@*!&) and I've moved into my in-law's basement till noah finished school.

We thought it would take a while to rent out the house, so we listed it almost two months before me and the kids were moving - within 20 minutes of listing it on KSL we received a call from a couple who wanted to move in two weeks later. Thankfully the in-laws were willing to put up with us for the last 5 weeks of Noah's school and we were able to move into their basement. those two weeks before the renters arrived went by unbelievable fast. I packed up the house and got it ready to be moved. we had the trailer dropped off on a Wednesday, the movers came Thursday and loaded it and then Friday it was picked up and headed for VA. The rest of Friday was spent cleaning like a mad woman in hopes that I wouldn't spend too much time cleaning on my birthday.

After eight hours of cleaning, I finished by 5:00, and picked up the kids and came "home". i was so tired. to be honest, i'm not sure if i was more emotionally tired than physically tired. it's been hard having aaron gone and finding renters and packing the house and moving us to the in-laws and trying to put on a happy face for the kids. At this point I just wanted to crawl into bed and close my eyes for a good 24 - 36 hours. but before i could do that, i needed to feed the kids and get them to bed. my amazing neighbor had dropped off some sandwiches and fresh strawberries while i was cleaning, so i pulled those out for dinner.

Noah was not happy.

noah: sandwiches?? for dinner??

me: yes.

noah: oh, come on - you have got to be kidding me! sandwiches are for lunch, not dinner, mom. dinner is something that you have to cook and make all nice. you can't feed us sandwiches for dinner.

me: (i walk over and gently, yes - gently, put my hands on noah's shoulders and looked him in the eyes) noah, i need you to love me. (pause) i NEED you to love me enough to eat sandwiches for dinner.

noah: (pause) fine. i'll eat sandwiches. but i'm not happy about it.

so, we eat the sandwiches and i get the kids ready for bed. i debated on sharing the next conversation, but it was so hysterical to me, i decided to post it. it probably won't make sense to most of you, but those who know i've been having some... er... problems with my brother, will understand.

noah: (heading downstairs for bed) mom, you know i love you.

me: i know. i love you too.

noah: i mean lots of people love you. i love you and my cousins love you and grandma and grandpa love you and my aunt's and uncles love you... well, maybe uncle ----- doesn't love you, but Heavenly Father loves you.

me: (I wasn't sure whether to laugh out loud or to be sad at how he's picked up on the tension between my brother and me, but I don't want to delve into it this late at night, so I focus on his last comment) How do you know Heavenly Father loves me?

noah: i just do, mom.  You have to have faith.  That's all.  You just have to have faith.

that kid. what would i do without him? anyway, i get them to bed and then i crawl onto my bed and lay there thinking about the last few months and the months to come. As i'm thinking, i look over at the clock and realize that in just 2 hours i will be 35 years old. 35 years old, laying on a twin mattress, on the floor of my in-laws basement. there's nothing like going backwards in life. seriously - where's the fun in always progressing? that can only bring good things - and who wants that? it's like driving I-15 through Nebraska over and over - no ups and downs, just straight roads. wouldn't you rather drive through the rockies... up and down with all kinds of scenery? It may be a little harder on the engine and create wear and tear on the brakes, but with a drink in one hand and happy pills in the other... bring it on.

eventually i fell asleep and woke up to hear noah and reagan coming down the stairs. they had made me breakfast in bed. A perfectly prepared peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast, with orange juice in a sippie cup, a bag of chocolates, a package of cleaning rags and a birthday letter.  Nothing says "Happy 35 Birthday!!" like a package of cleaning rags.

 

here's his letter...

 

I may be living in my in-laws basement, with a house payment in Utah, a rental payment in VA and a husband across the country - but I have the two greatest kids who can make me smile when nothing else can. (unless I'm ready to duct tape them to their beds)

Poison control, how may I help you?

it's that eerie, subtle silence. You know, the kind that sort of creeps through the house and you don't really even hear it till it's right upon you and then it's a sort of deafening silence. The kind where you only find trouble and mischief. This silence came to my house today.

I was at the computer working on moving details when i realized the house was quiet. way too quiet. i slowly made my way down the hallway hoping to find my sweet, sweet two-year old playing quietly with dolls, maybe even looking at her books, or maybe she had crawled into her bed and decided to put herself down for a nap. what?? it could happen! it's possible. ok, maybe it's only possible for some other two-year old out there, but still - it's not beyond the realm. ok, it's totally beyond the realm for my children, but you can't blame a girl for hoping.

so, i make it to Reagan's room not to find her doing something adorable. oh no, instead, i found her brushing her teeth. What was she brushing her teeth with, you ask?

Butt Paste.




Oh yes, Boudreaux's Butt Paste all over her. on her hands, all over the tube and all over the tooth brush. Well, all over the tooth brush except the head -that was suspiciously clean. So i looked in her mouth, smelled her breath - which wreaked of the stuff and went to get the phone.

ring, ring...

operator: Poison control, how may I help you?

me: yes, i just found my two-year old daughter... she's been brushing her with Butt Paste (before I can explain to her what Butt Paste was, she interrupts me)

operator: Is it the Boudreaux brand?

me: actually, yes, it is.

operator: she'll be fine.

me: but i have no idea how much she's ingested.

operator: that's ok. if she's ingested too much, she'll just throw it up.

me: (slight pause) um, ok.

operator: is there anything else i can help you with?

me: uh, nope. i guess that's it.

so - for all you parents, like me, who hear that eerie silence. if it ends up having anything to do with a tube of Butt Paste... no worries. if they've ingested too much - they'll just throw it up.

two big updates

i guess there are two main things to update....

1 - Aaron got a job. YEAH! i'm so excited for that magical day when i can log in to our checking account and instead of crying, i can see money magically deposited. it's a special day, my favorite day - it's payday!! well, at the end of April it will be payday as they only pay once a month and it's a month out, but still... a payday on the horizon - what more could a girl ask for. :)

Aaron got a job in D.C., so once again we'll be working our way east. i waited to post about it untill he made it past his 8th day on the job. (the last company let him go on the 8th day) He's been gone now for 7 weeks, and while i'm terribly lonely, i'm just grateful he has a job. I'm staying behind to sell the house - which we're realizing we'll never get enough for it in this market - so we'll hopefully be able to rent it out. (if you know of anyone looking to rent - send them our way) Aaron will try to fly home once a month to help keep the children alive. i don't know what i'd do without his parents here to help out. seriously - kudos to all the single mom's and military mom's out there. you are amazing, strong women.

About three weeks after Aaron left, i had a HUGE melt down on Noah. his sassy streak had gone too far and patient momma was gone. it was getting late, he was getting ready for bed and i told him that before he could get in bed he needed to put all his clothes away...

me: Noah, before you go to bed, I need you to put these clothes away that i washed for you today.

noah: i don't think that's fair.

me: excuse me?

noah: well, you're the one that took them out of my room, so i think you should be the one to put them away.

(we've actually had this exact conversation before, so i was surprised he was going for it again)

me: are you kidding me? we've talked about this - i wash your clothes and you put them away. if you keep that train of thought up, then you will start washing your clothes and can then put them away and if you keep this up, you'll be cooking for yourself as well.

noah: that's not fair mom! i'm only 8 and 8-year-olds should have to wash their own clothes. i've been thinking about it and i do think it's fair that if you take something out of my room - then you should put it where it goes when you bring it back and i don't appreciate you getting mad at me and talking to me that way, it's mean!

anyway - at this point patient momma patted me on the back and wished me luck as she headed for the door. poor noah - he never stood a chance. eventually, after a rather loud conversation, we were able to come to terms on who puts the laundry away and what's an appropriate way to talk to mom and what will no longer be tolerated. man, it's tough being a kid AND having to be respectful. poor, poor noah.

Thankfully - we haven't had any more big problems since that talk. In fact, he's been a huge help and an absolute champ. I knew he had it in him!


update number 2 - noah turned 8!! he gets to have a birthday party (with friends) every other year and this year was that year. he wanted to have a Batman party, so i researched ideas online and found the perfect plan. thanks to a couple of friends who were able to talk me down off that overkill ledge, i was actually able to simplify it quite a bit. to give you a very Readers Digest version - it went something like this:

all the B.A.T. agents received an invitation telling them five criminals escaped the asylum and were going to ruin Noah's birthday.







the rest of the pages had "bio's" on the Riddler, Mr. Freeze and Harley Quinn.


once they arrived they all got Batman t-shirts, that i made, and batarangs for target practice (thank you Marshall for letting me use the laser cutter at your school! the batarangs would have never turned out right if i had to have cut them all by hand)

Once the kids were outfitted we went to Gotham museum where we met Madame Q, (thanks Anna!) the museum curator.

The museum had newly installed "laser beams" that protected noah's present from the escaped criminals. The walls were decorated with priceless art work. (earlier in the week i handed out coloring pages to the kids who were coming and then collected the colored pages and put them up in the room)

from there we went downstairs to the Batcave and the kids practiced going through the "laser beams"

After all the kids got a turn to make it through the "laser beams" and collect some candy, we went out to the garage to practice throwing the Batarangs. while in the garage we got a phone call from Batman telling us to meet him in the Batcave because he'd caught The Penguin (Thanks Kjerstin - my 6-year old neighbor).

so we all ran to the Batcave. a few minutes later Batman (thank you Rob!) came in carrying The Penguin. when he put her down he pulled out two big bags full of Penguin bombs that had to be destroyed. He then emptied the bags containing 30 white balloons that had bouncy balls in them. the kids popped all the balloons and put them in a bomb transporter container and followed Batman out to the garage to the Bomb Incinerator. Batman dumped the bombs in a large garbage can (the bomb incinerator) and the kids cheered as the bombs blew up. (Batman also dropped 4 mentos into a 2-liter of diet coke that was in the bomb incinerator and that exploded out of the can. the kids loved it)

Batman then left and a few minutes later an alarm went off (Thanks Emma, my side kick, for setting off the car alarm) and we all ran to the museum to find out that the present had been stolen and in it's place was a black box. One of the kids retrieved the box and we ran to the Batcave where we discovered a bomb and 14 paper bags inside...

each kid got a bag, which was a puzzle that spelled out a word...

after everyone had their words put together we unscrambled them to find a poem that helped us diffuse the bomb. the birthday boy got to cut the wire and save the day. As we were cheering we got another call from Batman who told us that the Gotham City Bank was going to be robbed. (thank you Cynthia for making such an awesome safe for my Gotham City Bank) ...





we ran upstairs and hid, waiting for the criminals to show up. Mr. Freeze (thanks Wade!) and the Riddler (thanks Jessie!) came around the corner and on my command we all attacked them with our Batarangs. In a short time they were all captured and tied up with The Penguin on the couch. While we were tying them up, Madame Q captured Agent M (Emma) and revealed herself to be Harley Quinn! while she held Agent M hostage The Joker (thanks Josh) came in with his liquid N2O (dry ice in a bucket he poured water over to make it smoke) and was going to destroy us all. Thankfully Batman showed up and after a dramatic Batman vs. Joker fight - Batman was able to save the day.

it turned out better then i could have ever hoped for thanks to all my friends who helped out with the characters and for Megan who followed us around and helped things go smoothly behind the scenes and for grandma Walker who helped make the bank so perfect. i wish i had pictures of the actually party, but i was too busy playing the part of Director Walker and leading the kids. Thankfully two of my nephews were freaking awesome and followed us around with video camera's and will make us a video of it. Thanks Marshall and Logan!!!!! The best part was that Aaron was able to fly home for that weekend and be here for the party.


well, that's the two big updates for now. noah's happy, reagan is as adorable as she could possibly be and if we only lived on the same side of the country as aaron does - things would be perfect.