a few pointers

The other night my friend and i, let's call her "Carrie", walked another friend home and ended up chatting a little longer then we'd planned. it happens - we're girls - it's not beyond the realm of possibilities that we may lose track of time when chatting outside. anyway - by the time we both had gotten home, our husbands were less then thrilled with how long we'd been gone. there was a little sulking, maybe even a bit of pouting, but knowing my husband as i do, i knew he'd cheer up if he got out of the house and had some guy time. i had him call "Carrie's" husband, because i knew he was in the same mood as mine, and they took off.

When Aaron got home i asked him how it went and his response got my attention. he said he'd had a great time and enjoyed their talk. he then said, "it was nice knowing i'm not the only guy out there that can't figure out his wife sometimes." it was hard to not laugh, but i held it together because i wanted to hear more. he went on to tell me that they had talked about their wives and how women in general seem to think husbands should be able to read their minds. that the wives expect them to know all this stuff and to know just what to say, when half the time they get it wrong and just end up in trouble anyway.

i found it hilarious to think of a couple of husbands sitting around talking about how nutty their wives are... but it did get me to thinking. Apparently, even though we women are an open book, men have a hard time understanding us. so i thought i would give a few pointers...


What to do if your wife seems upset and you ask her what's wrong and she responds with "nothing" or "i'm fine".

1- If she's crying when she says it, then be prepared for a long one. Get some tissues, also, if you have chocolate on hand - it wouldn't hurt to bring it along. Have her stop what she's doing and sit next to her and tell her you're there for her, you love her, and you want to help. Now - important tip - no matter what the problem is, you must stay focused, don't roll your eyes or use words like, "dramatic", "get over it", or "you're crying over that?" Instead say something like, "wow, honey, that's so sad. I can see why you're upset. Here, let me finish the dishes - you've had enough to deal with today." Also, it wouldn't hurt to offer her a movie night... suggesting you watch something like Pride and Prejudice together...the long version if necessary.

2- If she's angry when she says it, make sure you have a clear line to the closest exit and then before you say a word, go over everything you've done that day and make sure you did not screw up somehow. Were you really late getting home and forgot to call and give her a heads up? Did you forget your anniversary? Was it your mother-in-laws birthday and you forgot to call her? Did your wife clean the house and you didn't notice? Check out her hair - is it cut or colored and you didn't comment? If it is something you did, own up to it, take your lickin's and you'll all move on.

If it's not something you did, start out with something nice, but not patronizing - women can smell that coming a mile away. Casually comment on how great she looks in what she's wearing or how nice the house looks. Let her know you're there if she wants to talk about it, and then let her work it out. It may get ugly. But eventually she'll work through it and love you for your patience.

What to do when the wife says, "it will just take a minute" or "i won't be long" etc. etc.

Time is a relative thing in our world. Here are some basic guidelines:

*Walking a friend home: don't even bother looking at the clock, you never know how long it could be. Just be happy knowing she'll come home in a great mood because she had a nice 'break' away from the house. Don't ruin it by being grumpy because she took too long.

*She needs you to take the kids for a minute: 'a minute' is not your typical 60 seconds in this case - it's more like 10, 15, maybe 20 minutes. Just look at it as your chance to bond with the kids.

*She says she won't be long running errands: First of all - she's just left in a car, with her wallet with no kids. It's beyond her control if she's quick or not. What if she's on her way home and sees a great side walk sale somewhere and is able to buy that dress, the perfect shade of pink, for your baby girl. That's important stuff - she has to stop. Or if passing a Starbucks and a craving for strawberries and cream frappuccino hits her... would you deny her that moment of bliss? No, it's better for everyone involved if she stops and takes a minute to just relax. So, if she's running errands - take the kids to the park, pack a lunch and leave your watch at home.

*When is a minute really a minute? One example is if she says dinner will be ready in one minute - that's your 60 second notice... nothings worse then working hard on a meal, telling everyone to come and eat and by the time they get there it's cold because they took too long. so definitely - if it has to do with dinner - it's best to play it safe - be on time.


Now, Aaron has asked me to address a particular question he feels a man can never answer correctly. When the wife says, "honey, how do i look in this?" or "Does this make me look fat?"

First of all, lets go over some not-so-smart responses...

1- Above all else - do not hesitate when answering that question. Whatever you're going to say - just say it, if you pause or hesitate then no matter what comes out of your mouth will always be the wrong thing to say.

If it's a sincere compliment - she won't believe you because you hesitated and she'll think you're lying.
If it's the truth, albeit a mean truth, but the truth all the same - then you're in trouble for not lying.
If you do lie, you're in trouble because you hesitated before trying to lie and you should be a better liar so she can at least pretend you meant what you said.


2- This one is straight out of Aaron's play book. Do NOT, under any circumstance, tell your wife she looks fine, but after 2 or 3 more pounds she should probably retire the outfit. You can be sure, Aaron will never say something like that again. While i would rather hear the truth then a lie - at least figure out a more tactful way of telling me.


3- Another one out of Aaron's play book - do NOT say, "if you'd just start working out more and eating healthier, you'd look a lot better in your clothes." i see where he's going with that - as i've worked out and have lost some weight, i do feel better... but for the love, would it kill him to just say - 'darling, you look amazing and if it weren't for Noah, Reagan and my parents in the room - i'd show you just how amazing you look'.


4- Also, never, ever, ever use words like: "pouch", "try sucking in", "it's just one roll" or "oh, nelly".


Now that we know what responses you should avoid, lets look at ways you could handle the situation without ending up on the couch....

1- If she's been putting on a little weight and her outfit may be a little too snug, just look her in the eyes (remember no hesitating) and tell her how beautiful she looks, how you love that shade of (whatever) on her. Now follow up with how you think she should go shopping because she's been working so hard lately. This way, even though she knows you're lying through your teeth, it doesn't matter because you've just given her the green light for a day of shopping. Very smart move.

2- If she looks terrible and you're starting to sweat because there's no way you're going to be the one telling her she can't wear her favorite red sweater any more because she out grew it one too many brownies ago... the best thing to do is make sure you're close to an exit and slowly, so slowly, pull out your wallet. Give her the i-love-you-but-the-sweater-must-go look and silently slide your credit card across the counter. At this point it's safe for you to back out of the room. She'll take it from there.

So, hopefully this has been helpful. If you men have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. Women are so simple to understand, it's a shame there's any miscommunication at all.

new swing for Reagan

Our friends, Wes and Ashley (and family), took us to the park so Reagan could try out a new swing. she loved it. :)





Wes takes his climbing ropes and using the trees in the park to create a zip line for the kids. They have a baby seat (like you saw in the video) so the little ones can have a turn as well.

This is Reagan just starting up the line...





Here she is about 1/2 way up...




Now she's made it to the top (Wes estimates it at about 60 feet)







And now back at the bottom, having loved every minute of it...





Here's Noah taking his turn..








Wes also sets up another kind of "swing" for the older kids while they're waiting their turn for the zip line...



We had a couple of other families with us - but i did not post their pictures because I'm sure Ashley will want to post her pics on her blog and i wasn't sure if Megan wanted pictures of her kids on a blog... but if she gives the go ahead, then i'll add some pictures of her family. (seriously, she has the cutest kids - Emma, Sophie and Lily. oh, little Lily - you just have to love little Lily. I mean just hearing their names... could it get any cuter than that?)


Thanks again to Wes for setting it all up and letting us come and enjoy the fun. And thanks to Ashely for always being so willing to loan her husband out to the whole neighborhood. :)

Bees Game

over the 4th we were able to go to a Bees game (Noah's first) with Aaron's family. Noah was so excited to go, the whole way there Noah was obsessing about having cotton candy. apparently he's quite the deprived child and has never had something as American as cotton candy, so we promised the night would not end without that sugary, sticky goodness in his hands.

Our seats were awesome! we were on the second row, right next to third base.






Reagan was a champ - she ate shaved ice and love it and was even really good when passed down to grandma and grandpa. i thought with all the noise she'd get upset if we passed her around - but she just soaked it all up.





Noah loved screaming for the team and eating cotton candy... as promised.




It was fun watching Noah and Ella together - but when we tried to get Ella to smile with her parents, this was the pose we got. there's nothing like getting a 2-year-old to smile for the camera.




But the highlight for Noah came because he has a mother like me. (you know the type--crazy, intense, stops at nothing for her children, did i mention crazy?) So, I'm walking around the stadium, trying to get Reagan to go to sleep, and i notice a bit of a commotion down one of the isles. i stopped to check it out and saw that Bumble - the Bees mascot - was shaking hands with some kids. My first thought was 'Noah would love to see this mascot'.
Now, most people would leave it at that... but my thoughts don't stop there... i start imagining Bumble coming over to our section and seeing Noah's face light up when he sees the mascot and then its like the crazy mother in me takes over and i decide that i must find a way to get him to where Noah is. if i had my cell phone i would just call aaron and have noah come to me, but i didn't, so i'm left with no other option - but to take Bumble with me.
So, i stood at the top of the stairs and waited for him to come up. my plan was to simply ask him to stop by our area if he had time... if that didn't work - i would use other means... maybe not so pleasant. This took a little longer then i'd anticipated because people kept running over with their kids to see him, and the line would get longer and longer. i started giving these happy little hopeful kids dirty looks in hopes they'd be discouraged and leave - but it didn't work. i ended up waiting almost 20 minutes for him to make it to the top.
Finally, Bumble gets to where i am and a little kid starts running over to meet him, but with my quick thinking and cat-like speed i cut the kid off and started talking. I told him this was Noah's first baseball game and would he have a chance to come over to where we were so my son could see him. he must have known the grave danger he would be in if he blew me off - because, to my surprise, he nodded his big bee head and put my hand on his arm and motioned for me to take him there. It was AWESOME!! of course lots of kids tried to stop us on the way, but in my very official voice i told them, "Not right now - we're very busy".
When we got to our isle i led him by the hand to our row and called out Noah's name. His face was priceless. His eyes got so big with the sight of me standing next to this enormous bumble bee and me telling him he could come and meet him. I don't know which i enjoyed more.. Noah's excitement or the look of confusion on Aaron's face. it was pretty funny.
The mascot was really sweet to noah bending down to hug him. when i tried to take the picture, about 20 kids had swarmed us and i was having a hard time getting the shot- so Bumble just picked him up. It was great.




And to think, Jamie, i did it without a plate of brownies!! (Jamie, for those of you who don't know her- is my good friend from Virginia - and she has witnessed the power that comes from having a plate of brownies on hand.)


After the game, they let a bunch of us out on the field to watch the fireworks.





It was a really great night, with lots of fun memories.

4th of July

For the 4th of July there is a huge party in the neighborhood we live in now. Everyone goes over to the Lloyd's house for a big BBQ and then we all camp out on their lawn and the Murray's lawn and wait for the fireworks to start. Evidently, a person (i will not say as you never know who could be reading this) gets his hands on a lot of illegal fireworks. All the young kids run around with sparklers, loud twirly things and small popping fireworks until it gets dark. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, was in a constant state of worry for the well being of all the kids. i'm afraid she was too stressed to have a lot of fun. ironically, the first child to get hurt was ours... with a sparkler... oh, so sad - on so many levels.



Once the sun was gone and it was dark enough, the real fun began. they brought out two ladders with a board across them where they could set up all the big fireworks. Then two guys, a blow torch in each hand, started the show. it was awesome!



Brandon and Sara were here with Ella and were good enough sports to come with us so we wouldn't have to miss our first big neighborhood party. thanks guys!



While we would wait for the next round of fireworks, Ashely's husband - Wes - would take it upon himself to entertain the crowd. he changed into all black, strapped all kinds of fireworks to his body and head and then his older scouts would work together to light him up. Once lit, he'd take off on his son's bike and ride up and down the street. it was hysterical, totally crazy, completely unsafe and a perfect example of what not to do with fireworks... but the crowd loved it and he walked away with only minor burns. Wes - you're a nut!



here's a video of it - yes, that is his scout chasing him, with a blow torch, yelling "nobody got his head".





overall - it was such a fun night. Reagan, who refused to go to sleep, was like a wide-eyed zombie by the end of the night and i loved watching Noah playing with friends and running around with all the energy only the young seem to have. there's just something about being outside, on a nice cool evening, with friends. those seem to be the things that memories are made of.

our home

many of you have been asking for pictures of our house, so here are a few i took the other day...



Aaron and Noah mowing the front yard. Even though it's small - we love having a yard!!



The front of the house. you can't see it very well with the tree in the way - but it's actually quite charming.



The back of the house.



More of the back of the house.



This is what we see from our front yard when we're facing east. (facing west is not as impressive, just a road with other houses)



Noah loving Dan the Dog. I must admit - Dan has turned out to be a great dog... except for when he acts like a child with selective hearing and runs off down the road completely ignoring my calls to come back. i even counted to three and he didn't come back. obviously, he doesn't know there are consequences if i reach three and he still doesn't obey.



Reagan just hanging out in the shade. isn't she so beautiful???



Noah tried to capture Reagan doing what Reagan loves most - chewing on people. it doesn't matter if it's my arm, my cheek, noah's shoulder, Chloe's head... whatever - she just loves chewing on anything she can get her hands on.



My two favorite kids in the whole world! seriously - don't they just make your heart melt? i couldn't have asked for more perfect children.



Especially when they love each other so much!

blah-

my friend, ashley tagged me. i know these things can be painful to read - so no hard feelings if you want to skip this post. in fact, i never do them when e-mailed to me and the only reason i'm doing it this time is because i think ashley would do something mean if i didn't. she'd probably go as far as hurting my Rosemary plant. she already sabotaged my carrot so it wouldn't grow. is there nothing you won't do???

"tag your it!...here are the rules: Post these rules on your blog. Answer these 15 questions about yourself on your blog. List 3 Joys, 3 Fears, 3 Goals, 3 Current Obsessions/Collections and 3 Random/Surprising facts. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog"


ok - here i go -

JOYS: 1- my husband - especially when he actually leaves work when he says he will - that brings great joy. 2- my kids - even when noah tells me he loves my "big 'ol bootie". (thank you kindergarten classmates) 3- brownies for breakfast. really - need i say more?

FEARS: 1- writing a post no one wanted to read. how pathetic is that? i didn't even know what a post was 5 months ago. 2- finding out that gas really is over $4.00 a gallon and that it's not just a bad dream. 3- turning 40. i love being in my 30's and i'm thinking there's no reason to ever get past 39. if you don't acknowledge the birthday - then it's like it never happened, right? i could be in my 30's forever!

3 CURRENT OBSESSIONS: 1- finding the perfect book that seems to suck me in and makes real life disappear for a brief moment. 2- growing carrots. oh yes, ashley, it will happen. one day - my carrots will grow. 3- stopping time. i'm trying to make every day slow down because Reagan is growing up too fast. her first tooth is breaking through and i want to cry. where is my baby going? where is that tiny little bundle of baby goodness who would fall asleep from overexertion if she sneezed more than once? i love watching her grow, but a little bit of me aches when i realize how fast it's happening.

3 RANDOM FACTS: 1- i'm terrified of heights, but love sky diving. 2- i love walking in the rain. 3- i love cooking - even though half the time it's disastrous and if i really loved my family i would stick to frozen meals from Costco. but i can't help it - now that i have my Rosemary plant and my bottle of Accent - i figure any dish could be a success!

ok- now i'm supposed to tag 5 people. i'm sorry to do this - believe me, under normal circumstances i would never participate in these kinds of things. so forgive me.... Talai, Alicia, Anna, Carillisa, Amelia or Sandy (i know you don't have a blog, but you could e-mail me your answers) :)

debated

i really debated sharing this one... but then i figured - what kind of blogger would i be if i didn't share my most pathetic, embarrassing moments.

As most of you well know - i have really struggled this time around trying to lose the baby weight. It could be my addiction to sweets - that is still under debate - but whatever the reason, the pounds just don't seem to want to part any time soon.

so, as it is, i'm always trying on my summer shorts and capri's waiting for the day i finally fit in another pair. well, a few days ago i tried on some linen, draw-string capri's. they were perfect! seriously, they were so comfortable and i was very excited to fit in something so well... you know - no rolls hanging over the sides, it was wonderful. i was quite proud of myself for all my hard work at the gym. (i can hear you laughing Carrie and Ashley) alright, 'hard work' may be a term i'm using rather loosely here, but it's more the thought that counts - right?

anyway - a few days later i decided to wear those wonderful linen capri's again because they were so comfy. as i was pulling them on, i looked down at the tag and in my greatest 'for the love' moment yet, i realized why they were so comfortable... they were my old maternity capri's!!! for the love.

my feeling of being so proud in losing weight was now out the window. it was just a sham, a farce - they were maternity pants for goodness sake! and now i am forced to take a more serious look at my weight loss program. you know there's a problem when you feel your best after accidentally putting on maternity pants. i can see that just positive thinking my way into shape is not going to cut it anymore. and i think i'm going to have to give up sweets... well, at least for breakfast and maybe my 2:00 chocolate snack. so sad. but desperate times call for desperate measures.

wish me luck.

why i say bad words

i have decided to make a list of things that cause me to say bad words...

** people who are in such a hurry to turn onto the road that they cause me to slam on my brakes and then they end up going 5 miles under the speed limit.

** people still using checkbooks at the grocery store. i'm sorry - i know many of you are even my friends (one of you may actually be my mother) but for the love, people, life is too short for checkbooks in grocery stores.

** i just made a batch of cookies and am cleaning up when i notice that the eggs expired 3 months ago. i actually debate eating them anyway.

** i don't have time to shower, it's definitely a hat day, and it's only after i've ran 3 of my 5 errands that i realize i forgot to put the hat on.

** when i find the two 2-year-olds i've been watching decide that running out of paper isn't a big deal - crayons work on the wall just as well.

** when my 6-year-old asks me if i'm pregnant because my tummy is getting big again. ouch.

** when i hear my dentist say - 'this is way worse than i thought'.

** when Aaron calls and starts conversations with 'first of all, let me tell you how much i love and appreciate you...' yeah, i'm not buying it - what did you do?

** when i find out my good friend has been robbed. this one is actually worth 2 bad words or 1 really really bad word.

apparently, our neighborhood has become a robber's play land. there have been five break-in's in the last six weeks. it's very sad, and very frustrating to think people out there feel they have the right to walk into a home and take whatever they want. first off you have to deal with the damage they did to the house to get in it, they never clean up after themselves as they trash every room they enter, and you spend weeks, if not months, figuring out ways to help your children feel safe again. so i think that i'm going to have an envelope outside my front door labeled "if you are here to rob my house - please read"

the letter would go something like this....

Dear Theif -

first of all - i don't write this because i condone what you are doing - let me be clear... i am against everything you do and stand for. i am writing this because i figure if you're going to rob me one way or the other - we should probably set up some guidelines...

In order to avoid damaging my home on your way in, i have hidden my house key under the rock next to my Rosemary plant. (i love that plant, please let it be)

If you must destroy the inside as you look for things to take, please try not to mess up my bookshelves too much, it took me forever to arrange things the right way. As for looking for things to take - let me save you some effort, i don't have prescription pills for you to sell because if i did have pills, i would have sold them by now. i also do not have cash, hidden or otherwise, because if we ever do have cash in hand it is usually spent before we get home.

As for anything you do decide to take - please use the note pad and pen i've left you and make a list of everything you've taken so i can more easily report it to the insurance company. it really would save me so much more time in filing my claim. Also - my husband has a white North Face button up shirt in his closet, with mesh lining on the sides...it would not be that tragic if the shirt went missing.

One last thing - i would like a new couch, so if you feel the need to destroy it in your search for things, feel free to do so.

Sincerely,

The Homeowner.

just keep it simple

And we've done it again.

When Noah was born we bought him all the bells and whistles any 4 month old could care less if they had - but as new parents, were convinced it would make him a genius. From interactive musical devices, to bouncers that would encourage muscle development, to the Baby Einstein DVD's which stimulates the child's brain. We spent hundreds of dollars on all kinds of things only to find that he usually cared more about the box it came in.

well - not one to make the same mistake twice... we waited a whole 2 extra months before we gave in and started buying all that stuff for Reagan. She's now 6 months old and has more "toys" than she even knows what to do with - but they are there to help her be a genius someday. The picture gives you an idea of the kinds of things that now clutter our home.

 

The problem being - each one only keeps her attention for about 10 minutes (if i'm lucky) or i have to sit with her and rattle or beep or ring whatever the toy is to help keep her entertained... this does not leave much time for getting things done around the house. (some of you may say... 'you could get things done while she's sleeping.' to that i say... 'are you high?' out of concern for her to be able to get a very sound sleep, it's important for me to stay extra quiet. the best way to do that is to sit with a bowl of ice cream and a good book. i'd rather be cleaning, but it's a sacrifice i make to help her sleep longer and better.)

So with these hundred of dollars worth of toys to help her young mind develop and her muscles just sitting in the corner, you can imagine my mixed feelings when i find her happy as can be with a 75 cent dental floss container.

 

 

For The Love

Who knew

While flipping through a cookbook I saw a recipe for Sticky Chicken.  I thought it would be fun to try a new recipe, and with a quick glance i had most of the ingredients.  Later that night, as I was getting everything ready, I took a closer look at the recipe and saw that it had something new. A concept I'd never heard of before - but it sounded great to me. The last ingredient said '1 teaspoon accent'. I thought - what a great idea... you can accent this recipe with whatever spice you choose. I started thinking of all the spices I loved... rosemary, basil, lemon pepper - etc. etc. but as i'm not an expert in the cooking arena, I thought I should call my friend for her advice because I wasn't sure which of those spices would work best as an accent to this dish. so I called Ashley M....

Brenda: I'm making sticky chicken and I'm wondering what spice to add as an accent.

Ashley M.: What are you talking about?

Brenda: The recipe says to accent the sauce. I'm assuming it's so people can personalize the sauce with their favorite spice?

Ashley M.: (pause) Tell me exactly what the recipe says.

Brenda: Add 1 teaspoon accent.

Ashley M.: (long pause) Brenda (another pause) accent IS a spice.

Brenda: come again?

Ashley M.: Accent is a spice - it's called Accent.

Brenda: (pause) for the love.


I have since gone to the store and bought a bottle of Accent...



and now I use it on everything. As Chef Auguste Gusteau always said... "Anyone can cook"