only noah

a few days ago i hurt my back. when Noah came home from school i was laying on the floor icing it. he asked me if i was still hurting and when i told him i was, he asked for a blank piece of paper. a few minutes later he was at the table coloring and writing.


this is the note he brought me when he was done...

 

(in case you can't read the paper - it says: feel better mom. the lord is with you)


honestly, we have no idea where this kid came from. all i know is i couldn't be more crazy about him then i already am.

1st grade play

can i just say... i LOVE 1st graders. Today was Noah's program at school, 'BUGZ'. they've been practicing for about a month now. Noah's greatest excitement was not that he got two speaking parts, but because he would get to bow three times at the end. Once with all the kids, once with the kids who had speaking parts, and once with the 2 other kids who got solo "singing" parts. it was by far the cutest thing i've seen him do. i apologize ahead of time for the shakiness of the camera - i was laughing too hard to hold it steady.



this is noah right before the program started-

 

here's grandma and grandpa - the ever supportive grandparents - supporting their favorite grandson. Along with Reagan, who was very tired at this point, so this was the closest we got to a smile.

 

during one song they turned the lights off as the kids sang with their flashlights. Reagan stood frozen like this for a good 30 seconds trying to decide if she was scared and whether or not she should cry.

 

now for the video's. remember, it's shaking partly from my laughing and because it's with our camera, which is hard to hold really still anyway.

this first one is noah's "solo" song. he wouldn't practice it at home for us because he wanted it to be a surprise. as you'll see, he took his part very seriously...




this song was their opening and closing song. i should have panned out and got the rest of the kids, but i was too focused on noah to think of it at the time. really -can you blame me?

3 posts in 1

i had a few pics from different days to post, but instead of putting them on as three seperate entries, i thought it would be better to just make one long post.


ENTRY 1-

When noah plays the Wii, sometimes he'll grab a chair to sit on and without fail reagan pulls her little purple chair over to "play" with him. aaron's not too thrilled that i let reagan hold the remote and play with noah, but she's so happy - and what's the most important thing to any mom? a happy toddler.

ENTRY 2-

so i'm trying to help reagan become more independant. now, this has nothing to do with me wanting more freedom - heavens no. this is all about reagan's happiness. i mean what mom doesn't want to spend all of her waking moments changing diapers, wiping runny noses, picking up toys, pulling 4 marbles out of her daughters mouth and feeding her all day long? i know i certainly love doing all those things every day, seven days a week. no, me having reagan learn to use a spoon is really all about her growing and becoming a happy, indepentant toddler.

i thought best to work with mac and cheese first. couldn't be too hard.

i put the bowl in front of her, helped her take 4 or 5 bites with the spoon - watched her do it by herself a few times and with a laugh and a proud sigh at how brilliant my child was to catch on so fast, i walked away.

first mistake - laughing and sighing. really, that's just asking for trouble.

second mistake - walking away. honestly, you'd think i was a first time parent.

it wasn't long before i hear this tiny voice "ah dun" "ah dun".

i come back in to find her holding her bowl - looking like this...

i figured it served me right. apprently she'd just dumped it all on her head and down her lap. so, like any good mom, i went and got the camera. when i got back she'd thrown the bowl and had her arms open yelling (yes, she's very impatient) "ah done" "ah done"

and like any good mom, i wouldn't let her down until she finished eating. i gathered the mac and cheese from her lap, put it back on her tray (minus the spoon) and told her to "eat". you can see from her look she was not happy about this.

but eventually, she ate most of it, got cleaned up, a change of clothes (i had to wash her hair because at one point she reached up and smashed the noodles all through her hair) and she was happy once again.

ENTRY 3-

to end my post, i thought i'd throw up some of my favorite pictures. my niese, Amber, came and took family pictures and these are some of my favorite ones of the kids.

i guess i won't be doing that anymore

i had decided to not write about this... until yesterday when noah got home from school and i figured on some level it was too funny not to tell you.

a few weeks ago the first grade teachers needed volunteers to watch their classes so they could attend a 45 minute meeting. i volunteered for Noah's class. really - how much damage could i do in 45 minutes?

once there, the teacher gave me a list of things to do with the kids while she was gone. give them their math test. fine, no problem. help them correct their tests. again, no problem. (one girl did get emotional because another boy accused her of erasing his answers and writing in wrong ones, but i quickly diffused that situation. this teachings stuff is a piece of cake) next, read them a book. loved it - used all my funny voices - got strange looks from the children. and then use the last 20 minutes to teach them fractions. uh, yeah, slight problem - i could never do fractions. algebra, geometry, trig - awesome, loved it, bring it on. but fractions? i knew we were in trouble. not wanting to sound like a moron to the teacher i just smiled as she told me to draw a pizza on the board and take slices away and write the fractions. then she handed me a worksheet to have them do with lots of samples and lines for them to write the fractions. honestly, how complicated could this be? surely, i could teach this simple fraction writing, right?

yeah, not so much.

after, what i thought, were plenty of pizza's and lots of fractions, i figured we could do the worksheet. without really looking at it first, i handed it out to all the children. within about 20 seconds, 10 hands went up. "Mrs. Walker, Mrs. Walker, I don't get it. How do i do this? What does this mean?" trying not to look nervous i told them i'd get to each of them and to work on the top lines till i got there (just counting pizza slices - not too difficult). unfortunately, as i went to the first student and looked at the rest of the worksheet i was completely lost for words. there were all these pizza's, but not with drawn out pieces missing - just drawn showing how many slices were left. some slices thick and some small so there was no telling how many slices there were to start with. how could i teach them a fraction when i didn't have all the information? for the love. so, i did what any good substitute does and i made it up as i went. after a few students, i'd try a different route in answering the questions, so forth and so on. in the end i probably explained the worksheet in 4 completely different ways. i figured this way at least some of the kids would get it right. at one point, i told them to just write what numbers looked good. have i no shame?

needless to say, when the teacher returned i told her that the kids may need a little more explanation on the worksheet, and left it at that.

now, weeks later, i was going through noah's backpack and found that the teacher had finally corrected the worksheets and sent them home. yes, noah missed every single one and had the note 'please redue and return'. my only hope is that i got at least one of my explanations right and not every student failed.

noah and i sat down, reread the instructions in a much calmer quieter setting and finished the worksheet. sadly enough, when he brought the worksheet back home... he still missed two. however, in my defense, it was only because we had drawn in the wrong number of missing slices. going off our pictures, his fractions were right and so i figures we got an A+. i'm quite proud of it.

so, there you go. now you all know that if noah graduates high school and goes on to college, it will have had nothing to do with my tutoring skills.

may we all wish him, and reagan, the best of luck.

swimming

here's the post grandma has been waiting for. all pictures of the kids.

this was our first day taking Reagan swimming... first of all - why do little girls always look so adorable in swimsuits? and why is that the chubby, dimply, rolls on their legs always bring smiles and phrases like "oh, look at those legs?? i love it!" No one ever says that to me - it's a very one-sided world.

she was hysterical walking in the water. she would tighten up her fists and squeel while making this face....

(obviously minus the speghetti, i just wasn't able to capture it going into the water as i was focusing too much on her not slipping at that point)

once in, she seemed to love walking in the water, watching it swirl around her. the best was when she'd start taking these huge slow steps - almost as if she was trying to step up on top of the water instead of just walking through it. i couldn't get the camera to take a decent video of it - so this will have to do...




after she played at the bottom of the slide, she decided she could walk by her self in the water. With grandpa by her side, she made it about 3 steps before she fell. as i'm a totally rational, calm mother i did not freak out like i would have with noah, i camly controlled my desire to scream "MY BABY!!" and instead, seeing that grandpa had already retrieved her up out of the water, i camly put the camera away before i consoled my precious little girl. unfortunately, once in grandpa's arms, there was no getting her back. seriously, she wouldn't leave him - even for me - for about 20 minutes...

 

 

eventually, she recovered and before long was in the water trying to be independant once again.

 

 

as for Noah - he's like an otter. this boy loves the water and if truth be told - he's a much better swimmer than me. I don't have a lot of pictures of him because he spent most of his time under water swimming or going down the slide. i have no doubt he'd stay all day if we'd let him.

well that was gross

first - to grandma... i have a post with lots of pictures just for you, i only need to proof read it. i'll try to do it tomorrow.


ok... i just had to write about this because it was so disgusting and then kept getting worse. like a really bad movie. (**cough** twilight **cough**)

anyway - we're out to dinner with some friends and the sitter calls to tell me Reagan has thrown up. she seemed pretty upset about it (the sitter) so i told her i'd come home. i left everyone at the restaurant to finish their meal and i ran home to clean up the mess. Once home - Reagan seemed fine. happy, walking around - a little smelly from the throw-up - but overall not really bothered. i figured she must have eaten something that upset her... who knows. once i clean her up i ask the sitter to hang with noah while i run back to the restaurant to pick up aaron and our friends.

Once there, Reagan and I head inside. first, i stop at the register to get cash so i can pay the sitter. with cash in one hand, reagan in the other, i make my way through the restaurant. i'm passing a table of about 10 people when i hear the gurgling and look to see reagan beginning her first projectile... let me repeat, PROJECTILE, vomit. we're talking chunks of rice, chicken, beans and a whole slice of an orange, flying out of her mouth. time seemed to stand still as i see the splatter of throw-up, the shocked faces of the 10 kids (early 20's) who obviously have no children of their own, and back to reagan who has now begun her 2nd projectile vomit. this time Aaron and Gary have heard/seen the mess and are racing over to me, i'm still trying to catch what vomit i can in the hand with the money, while the table of people are watching in horror - seriously, horror - as more chunks are flying. thankfully, someone finally reacted and handed us some napkins. while aaron is wiping us down and Gary is getting more napkins, reagan proceeds to spew what's left in her stomach a third, Fourth and fifth time. one of those times landed on the back of a ladies North Face jacket, who promptly covered her mouth as she frantically swallowed back the bile that was threatening to come out.

for those of you wondering why i was just standing there while reagan is destroying the floor and what is left of anyones appetite: 1. i was trying to contain the damage to one area of the restaurant. 2. this all happened in about 20 seconds - not a lot of time to run... although i did briefly considering running to the salsa bar. 3. i figured it was a good experience for all those young couples even thinking about having children.

by now reagan seems to have stopped, so we take our leave and head home. i'm covered in throw-up, reagan's covered in throw-up and we're all trying to keep our dinner down as we try not breathing threw our noses. once home, aaron starts a bath and i'm literally rinsing off the babysitters money. she watches me flick some rice of the bills as i'm rinsing them, and offers to not be paid at all. i assure her the money will dry and will be just fine. aaron takes her home and i strip reagan down for her bath. when aaron gets back, i go to get pj's while he plays her songs on his guitar. (she loves splashing in the water while aaron plays for her). it's not long before I hear aaron yelling for me. i come out in the hallway to see aaron holding a naked crying girl - apparently, now that her stomach is empty all that's left is diarrhea. yup, the bath is now full of poop. seriously, how many smelly, disgusting things can come out of one adorable little girl?

needless to say, after a quick shower, two more runny diapers and lots of cuddling and rocking she seems to be over the worse of it. i'm not sure i can say the same for the sitter or the people at the restaurant. as for me... i'm going to go finish cloroxing the tub and disinfecting every toy in the house.

ahhh, the joys of parenthood.

role reversal

as follow-up to my previous post - it's amazing how good it feels to vent and even better to hear that others can feel the same way. thank you to all who commented - it was great to hear from you.

as for today's post - i was going to fulfill grandma's wish and post pictures, but unfortunately our computer gave up the ghost over the weekend. i haven't had time to transfer pictures over to the new computer yet - so grandma's post will have to wait a few more days.

in the meantime i thought i'd share a conversation i had with noah the other night... or more appropriately - he had with me.

a few nights ago aaron and i got into an "energized" conversation. we usually try to keep these kinds of conversations for when the kids are in bed, but there are a few occasions when we don't quite hit that goal. this night we were getting ready to run some errands. i got snippy and said a few things. aaron said a few things. not able to let it go - even with noah standing next to us - i said a few more things and then aaron crossed the line. (maybe in my emotional state, my line was a little too easily crossed, but none the less - crossed is crossed.) so in my mature nature i informed him he would not be coming with us and i grabbed the kids and headed to the car.

about 3 minutes later this conversation ensues:

noah: uh hum. mom.

me: what noah.

noah: i really don't think you should yell at dad. that's not what Jesus would do.

me: (completely not in the mood to have my 6-year-old point out things i already know) i know, i shouldn't have yelled. (just to press my immaturity level) but he yelled at me first.

noah: (sighs, as though he's talking to a 4-year-old) mom. just because someone yells at you doesn't mean you should yell at them. if someone says something that makes you upset you should just tell him that what he said made you feel sad and to please not talk that way. yelling will never solve your problems.

me: (trying not to laugh as noah is almost verbatim telling me what i've told him so many times) you're right noah. i shouldn't have gotten angry. (and to keep up with this odd role reversal) but, what about dad? he shouldn't have gotten mad either.

noah: no, he shouldn't have and i'll talk to him when we get home. you just need to remember that it's never good to fight with people. it will never make you feel happy inside. i want you to think about this and how you could have handled things better.

not trusting myself to talk without laughing, it's now quiet for a few minutes until...

noah: mom?

me: yes, noah.

noah: i have a really good feeling inside from helping you. i think the Holy Ghost is telling me i did a good job in helping you and dad tonight. *sigh*.


honestly - where did this child come from? too funny. And, true to form, as soon as we got home - noah went and found aaron for his 'talk'. aaron came out a few minutes later shaking his head trying not to laugh.


i may have moments where being a mom feels overwhelming, but i wouldn't trade times like this for anything.

a day off

Have you ever felt like just saying “I’m done”? I don’t want to cook, clean, wipe, wash, explain, be patient or smile when I don’t feel like smiling. I am not a jungle gym or a pillow to be pushed and pulled until you’re comfortable. I am neither Martha Stewart nor Mother Teresa. There are some days when I want to say, “if I hear the words ‘why’ or ‘but’ one more time, I will lose what is left of my sanity.

Have you ever felt like you were not made to be this naturally charming, patient wife and mother? I remember living in Virginia and going to a friends house to pick something up. It was just before 5:00 and I walked in to see her in an apron, dinner on the stove, the dining room table completely set, and the children playing happily. I looked suspiciously around for some kind of external influence that was helping her – a little somethin’, somethin’ of this or that… maybe even a little NyQuil on the table dished out to the little ones. But no, there was nothing. She was really just that good at being a mom. And then she had her 4th and I thought for sure this would do her in, but to my selfish disappointment she was, yet again, ready and able for the challenge. She hosted a 4th of July party 2 weeks after she got home from the hospital!

I say 'selfish disappointment', because while the greater part of me was in awe with admiration and wonder, the small - totally immature - side of me wished to see someone else feel as inadequate as I do. I often think that when my children grow up to be amazing people, it will have had nothing to do with me. Honestly – my daughter is 15 months old and she has no idea how to use any kind of silverware yet. I first have to trust her to keep the food on her tray before I put a would-be weapon in her hands. And instead of just glowing at the fact that my son is so bright and inquisitive about every single thing that comes into his head – I find myself wishing that for just 30 seconds he would close that precious little mouth and learn to enjoy silence as much as I do. Or, when my daughter will not stop screaming in her very dramatic, poor-me, life-is-so-hard-when-someone-isn’t-stacking-blocks-for-me temper tantrum - I will do anything to stop the crying. If that means she gets an otter pop at 10:00 am – so be it.

The ‘good’ mom would sit with her son and answer any question his little mind can come up with and then go through the encyclopedia’s, A-Z, just in case he missed a topic. The ‘good’ mom would sit with her daughter and forget about her book or her project on the computer and would stack blocks for as long as was needed and then willingly move on to any other toy that captured the girl’s attention. And most of all, the ‘good’ mom and wife would fix healthy meals for when the husband gets home instead of ordering pizza, looking for anything frozen from Costco or pulling out the cereal and milk.

It’s funny how as a little girl I imagined being this amazing wife and a mother with patience to spare, and yet so often I’m finding myself just surviving one day at a time. Maybe the generation before me was really made up of these perfect women who excelled in their role as wife and mother. Or maybe, just maybe – as the selfish part of me wants to think – they struggled too, just never out loud. Who knows.

I guess today’s post is for those of you who find times where you just want a break. Some time away. A moment of peace and quiet - maybe even a chance to eat a meal while it’s still hot.

For those of you like me – I wish you luck in finding that much needed day off.
For those of you who have it all put together - may all your children get measles at once.

so easily entertained

i really do love this age.

reagan played with this basket for about 45 minutes. it was so funny watching how entertained she was. if only we could all be so happy with the little things.

*&@%# you resolutions

i have done a lot of dumb things in my life, but this one definitely takes the cake... no pun intended.

my new years resolution was to go this year without any kind of sweets/desserts/food for the soul (chocolate, of course), etc., etc. my hope was to lose at least some of the baby weight from Reagan *cough* and noah *cough*. i had come to the conclusion that even though i go to the gym 4-5 days a week, the brownies for breakfast and any other sweets i could find all day long were possibly hindering my efforts. so, i took the plunge and quit cold turkey. (thankfully, aaron decided to do this with me - i could never have done it alone this long)


as i'm now approaching my 6th week of no sweets i have found it's getting harder, not easier. life without desserts sucks. instead of sweets i'm trying to eat healthy, but it's just not the same wallowing with a bowl of steamed carrots without butter. really, without butter? what's the point. then they just taste like mushy carrots. if i have to eat healthy veggies, at least let me slather them with butter and salt. curse you fat grams!!! when it comes down to it - there is simply no satisfaction in emotionally eating when it won't stick to my thighs.

that being said, i decided to write a little poem about my 'no sweets' journey...


ODE TO DESSERTS

in sad times or good times you were always there.
you gave all you could, so willing to share.
each calorie you gave, hit just the right spot -
and gave me comfort - where carrots could not.

each treat was unique in it's own special way.
whether chocolate chips from the fridge or something gourmet.
especially at times when i was an emotional mess,
i could always count on sweets to help with the stress.

but here is were my tale turns quite tragic.
i discovered my metabolism did not work like magic.
brownies, cookies, ice cream, cakes and pies,
while gave me happiness, went straight to my thighs.

was it worth that extra brownie or two (or four)
if i would have to turn sideways to get through the door?
cause this was the path my life was on
as i realized my waistline was definitely gone.

in desperation i set a date,
when no more sweets i would take.
it's been sad and hard, but i've held my grounds,
and as a result i've lost 12 pounds.

just so you know, to be perfectly clear -
my resolution is only this year.
i may loose more weight, healthy food may have won
but come january 1st, i'll enjoy undoing all i have done.