You know the phrase....

You know the phrase, “life’s not fair?”  It’s a favorite among parents.  For me it usually comes out at the end of the day when my energy is spent.  When I no longer have the patience to explain the “whys” to the kids.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m pretty good for most of the day, but once the clock hits 3:00 PM it’s like there’s a mom switch.  Good mom gone, impatient mom takes over.  Conversations are much different in the AM then they would be in the PM. 

For example:

8:00 AM –

Kids: Mom, can we make something fun for lunch today?

Me: Sure!  Lets pull out one of those kid cookbooks I have and pick something fun out that we could make together.

4:45 PM –

Kids: What’s something fun we can have for dinner?

Me:  Cereal.

Kids: Really? Cereal? That’s it? 

Me: I used up all my creativity on lunch.  Cut up a banana, that's fun. 

I know they think life isn’t fair, but they should try being a woman.  What's fair about women having an extra layer of fat, just because.  Why not give it to men?  It must be because it’s so hard for us to gain weight when we’re pregnant.  Oh...wait. 

But it doesn't just stop there.  What's up with our metabolism slowing down the older we get?  Our metabolism should be slower when we're younger, and single, with no kids, and can spend 3 hours at the gym whenever the spirit hits us.  Not now when we're older, with kids, and schedules and carpools and bills and all the other stresses that force us to eat brownies for breakfast.

Guys on the other hand - don't have the extra layer of fat, they never have to deal with the extra 60 pounds that come with pregnancies and they seem to be immune to emotional eating.  I swear, Aaron can lose weight just walking to the mailbox.  

Seriously - Aaron and I will make a goal to lose 15 pounds.  He'll start riding his bike to work instead of taking the metro. That's it.  That's all he changes in his routine. He’ll go out for lunch – cheeseburger and fries?  Sure, why not?  Then come home and have chicken alfredo with the kids for dinner.  Extra alfredo, please.  He might cut out ice cream, but only to make room for his pretzels and Nutella.  At the end of the first week, Aaron will stand on the scale and have lost 4 pounds. 

I, however, immediately start on a strict diet of kale, lean chicken, more kale, no carbs, and did I mention kale?  I’m practically starving from eating so healthy.  I look longingly at my son’s macaroni and cheese that he’s so carelessly flinging around the kitchen.  Maybe I should feed him my kale smoothie so he’ll stop taking that cheesy goodness for granted.  But, I have 15 pounds to lose, so no mac and cheese for me or anything else that actually has any kind of flavor to it.  Then I wrestle with my kids to get them to the gym, where I sweat buckets on the treadmill, do lunges till my legs burn, and planks till I feel myself wanting to throw up.  I leave the gym that first day, sweaty, sore, and wondering if I'll be able to walk in the morning.  Every day I dutifully drink my kale shakes and pay my dues at the gym.  I'm determined to be victorious!  At the end of the week I step on the scale with a smile on my face.  

It goes down 7 ounces.  SEVEN OUNCES???

That can’t be right.  No way.  I put new batteries in and try again.  It goes down 3 ounces.  I put the old batteries back in.  Seven ounces it is.

Life really isn’t fair.

Lets just be realistic here

not to bore you with all the details, but i decided to try out a new recipe the other night. needless to say - it was out of control.  i made a HUGE mess in the process.  i could have had Noah's kindergarten class come and cook a meal in my kitchen and they would have been cleaner then i was - seriously, out of control. And can i just say - cookbooks should be much more specific on "prep time". This recipe said the prep time was 15 minutes. When in reality it should say something more like this:

1- You have no children and Julia Childs is a distance relative.  prep time: 15 minutes

2- You are a mother with children under the age of 6, and your meals usually come from a box in the freezer.  prep time: 1 hour 15 minutes
*If your children are under the age of 2, add an additional 30 minutes per child.

3- You are a mother with children under the age of 6, you're PMSing, and you just exposed your 6-year-old to another four letter word.  prep time: Forget cooking.  Order a pizza

If recipes gave you these kinds of prep times, my dinner wouldn't have been a complete disaster because we would have ordered pizza.  A lot of pizza.

Thankfully tonight's dinner went much better.  Actually, tonight went fairly well, if you don't count Aaron's near death experience. I say near death, because he clearly forgot during the 9 months of my pregnancy what a woman can be like during those 3 days of PMSing.  Frankly, he's lucky to be alive.

Tonights conversation when he walked in the door from work:

Aaron: So, tell me all about your day.
(which is code for: What have you been doing all day, this house is trashed.)

Brenda: I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?
(which is code for: Really? You really just went there? At this point you're lucky the house is so messy, because if that couch was cleaned off you'd be sleeping on it.)

Aaron: Um, I was just saying how amazing you are, the kids look great, awesome job keeping everyone alive.  And I love what you've done with your hair, you can't even tell you didn't shower today.  Why don't you take the night off and let me cook dinner.
(which is code for: Please don't make me sleep on the couch)

Anyway, all ended well.  I got to watch last nights episode of American Idol while Aaron put the kids to bed.  And he got to learn a great lesson tonight: All husbands should check to make sure the couch is a mess, before starting any conversation with their wife, at the end of the day.  

a moment of peace is all i ask

Tonight, after dinner, i decided i would let Aaron get the kids ready for bed - noah showered, reagan bathed, so i could come downstairs for a moment of peace and work on my blog. It's lasted about 2 minutes because Reagan is already crying, Noah's mad about something, Aaron's irritated with Noah and did I mention Reagan is still crying? But i am determined to finish this post before i go upstairs and give Aaron a break... actually now there are threats of spankings, i may not get to finish after all, so i better hurry. yeah, i give up, Reagan's cry has now changed to a scream as she doesn't want to be outdone by the boys and it's working as I can no longer hear the "conversation" between aaron and noah - which means i should probably go intervene.