i have decided to make a list of things that cause me to say bad words...
** people who are in such a hurry to turn onto the road that they cause me to slam on my brakes and then they end up going 5 miles under the speed limit.
** people still using checkbooks at the grocery store. i'm sorry - i know many of you are even my friends (one of you may actually be my mother) but for the love, people, life is too short for checkbooks in grocery stores.
** i just made a batch of cookies and am cleaning up when i notice that the eggs expired 3 months ago. i actually debate eating them anyway.
** i don't have time to shower, it's definitely a hat day, and it's only after i've ran 3 of my 5 errands that i realize i forgot to put the hat on.
** when i find the two 2-year-olds i've been watching decide that running out of paper isn't a big deal - crayons work on the wall just as well.
** when my 6-year-old asks me if i'm pregnant because my tummy is getting big again. ouch.
** when i hear my dentist say - 'this is way worse than i thought'.
** when Aaron calls and starts conversations with 'first of all, let me tell you how much i love and appreciate you...' yeah, i'm not buying it - what did you do?
** when i find out my good friend has been robbed. this one is actually worth 2 bad words or 1 really really bad word.
apparently, our neighborhood has become a robber's play land. there have been five break-in's in the last six weeks. it's very sad, and very frustrating to think people out there feel they have the right to walk into a home and take whatever they want. first off you have to deal with the damage they did to the house to get in it, they never clean up after themselves as they trash every room they enter, and you spend weeks, if not months, figuring out ways to help your children feel safe again. so i think that i'm going to have an envelope outside my front door labeled "if you are here to rob my house - please read"
the letter would go something like this....
Dear Theif -
first of all - i don't write this because i condone what you are doing - let me be clear... i am against everything you do and stand for. i am writing this because i figure if you're going to rob me one way or the other - we should probably set up some guidelines...
In order to avoid damaging my home on your way in, i have hidden my house key under the rock next to my Rosemary plant. (i love that plant, please let it be)
If you must destroy the inside as you look for things to take, please try not to mess up my bookshelves too much, it took me forever to arrange things the right way. As for looking for things to take - let me save you some effort, i don't have prescription pills for you to sell because if i did have pills, i would have sold them by now. i also do not have cash, hidden or otherwise, because if we ever do have cash in hand it is usually spent before we get home.
As for anything you do decide to take - please use the note pad and pen i've left you and make a list of everything you've taken so i can more easily report it to the insurance company. it really would save me so much more time in filing my claim. Also - my husband has a white North Face button up shirt in his closet, with mesh lining on the sides...it would not be that tragic if the shirt went missing.
One last thing - i would like a new couch, so if you feel the need to destroy it in your search for things, feel free to do so.
Sincerely,
The Homeowner.
6 comments:
I was so excited to see a new Brenda post!! OK I fully laughed out loud about the feel free to trash my couch and take Aaron's shirt part. So sorry this is happening! But way to make light of the situation. Sara
Did I mention to you I have to plan the 4rth of July breakfast? That tempts me to use many bad words. Honestly, how do you still manage to have a sense of humor after doing all that? But seriously, I hope you don't get robbed. Scary. Especially if you were home when it happened (however, then you could instruct them better!). So, we will be in town after July 4rth, Aaron will be with me the first week then I am solo the second. So, tell me when you want to get together!
Ben and I look forward to your posts. You should be a column writer for a newspaper with all that wit and humor. I love the shirt comment it took me 7 years to get rid of a black leather jacket and a National Rodeo Finals jacket from Ben's closet.
I don't know who these 2 year olds you are watching are but they sound heavenly. You should watch them more.
Seriously, you should write for a newspaper column and make money off your stories! You'd do pretty well. :) If I write a letter to my thief I'd tell him to avoid our bookshelf too! You're not kidding when you say it takes hours to arrange just right! Hope you're doing well. :)
Well said. I don't even need an excuse to use bad words. Is it Tuesday? Good enough reason for me. Is it 4 PM? Great reasojn.
Post a Comment