sandwiches??? for dinner????

have you ever had a day turn into weeks without even realizing it? I meant to keep this updated while we've been moving... but that was totally unrealistic. i can't keep this updated when my life is "normal", how i thought i could do it when it was upside down is beyond me. but, alas, here i am - updating the best i can.

readers digest version: aaron got a job in D.C., he left almost 3 months ago, we've rented out our house because we can't sell it in this market (!@*!&) and I've moved into my in-law's basement till noah finished school.

We thought it would take a while to rent out the house, so we listed it almost two months before me and the kids were moving - within 20 minutes of listing it on KSL we received a call from a couple who wanted to move in two weeks later. Thankfully the in-laws were willing to put up with us for the last 5 weeks of Noah's school and we were able to move into their basement. those two weeks before the renters arrived went by unbelievable fast. I packed up the house and got it ready to be moved. we had the trailer dropped off on a Wednesday, the movers came Thursday and loaded it and then Friday it was picked up and headed for VA. The rest of Friday was spent cleaning like a mad woman in hopes that I wouldn't spend too much time cleaning on my birthday.

After eight hours of cleaning, I finished by 5:00, and picked up the kids and came "home". i was so tired. to be honest, i'm not sure if i was more emotionally tired than physically tired. it's been hard having aaron gone and finding renters and packing the house and moving us to the in-laws and trying to put on a happy face for the kids. At this point I just wanted to crawl into bed and close my eyes for a good 24 - 36 hours. but before i could do that, i needed to feed the kids and get them to bed. my amazing neighbor had dropped off some sandwiches and fresh strawberries while i was cleaning, so i pulled those out for dinner.

Noah was not happy.

noah: sandwiches?? for dinner??

me: yes.

noah: oh, come on - you have got to be kidding me! sandwiches are for lunch, not dinner, mom. dinner is something that you have to cook and make all nice. you can't feed us sandwiches for dinner.

me: (i walk over and gently, yes - gently, put my hands on noah's shoulders and looked him in the eyes) noah, i need you to love me. (pause) i NEED you to love me enough to eat sandwiches for dinner.

noah: (pause) fine. i'll eat sandwiches. but i'm not happy about it.

so, we eat the sandwiches and i get the kids ready for bed. i debated on sharing the next conversation, but it was so hysterical to me, i decided to post it. it probably won't make sense to most of you, but those who know i've been having some... er... problems with my brother, will understand.

noah: (heading downstairs for bed) mom, you know i love you.

me: i know. i love you too.

noah: i mean lots of people love you. i love you and my cousins love you and grandma and grandpa love you and my aunt's and uncles love you... well, maybe uncle ----- doesn't love you, but Heavenly Father loves you.

me: (I wasn't sure whether to laugh out loud or to be sad at how he's picked up on the tension between my brother and me, but I don't want to delve into it this late at night, so I focus on his last comment) How do you know Heavenly Father loves me?

noah: i just do, mom.  You have to have faith.  That's all.  You just have to have faith.

that kid. what would i do without him? anyway, i get them to bed and then i crawl onto my bed and lay there thinking about the last few months and the months to come. As i'm thinking, i look over at the clock and realize that in just 2 hours i will be 35 years old. 35 years old, laying on a twin mattress, on the floor of my in-laws basement. there's nothing like going backwards in life. seriously - where's the fun in always progressing? that can only bring good things - and who wants that? it's like driving I-15 through Nebraska over and over - no ups and downs, just straight roads. wouldn't you rather drive through the rockies... up and down with all kinds of scenery? It may be a little harder on the engine and create wear and tear on the brakes, but with a drink in one hand and happy pills in the other... bring it on.

eventually i fell asleep and woke up to hear noah and reagan coming down the stairs. they had made me breakfast in bed. A perfectly prepared peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast, with orange juice in a sippie cup, a bag of chocolates, a package of cleaning rags and a birthday letter.  Nothing says "Happy 35 Birthday!!" like a package of cleaning rags.

 

here's his letter...

 

I may be living in my in-laws basement, with a house payment in Utah, a rental payment in VA and a husband across the country - but I have the two greatest kids who can make me smile when nothing else can. (unless I'm ready to duct tape them to their beds)